Yesterday at work a co-worker very rudely told me that "Michael Jackson had died" I didn't believe it and asked her who told you that? her father confirmed it...unless your dad is a correspondent with CNN or was a doctor in the room or an actual Jackson themselves...I ain't believing it...and although it is true...sadly I still don't believe it.
I have always been a fan of MJs...since I can remember, probably one of the first videos I saw was "Thriller" and we had the VHS making of and the entire Thriller video....to this day I still cannot watch to the very end because the zombies face at the end scared the shit out of me and probably why I dont like Zombie movies now....unless they are dancing...LOL
MJ and his sister Janet were my first dance teachers....I was that kid at the family reunions who would get the request...."Do the Michael Jackson" Even now that I finally realize my dream of becoming a dancer I can still perform every MJ and JJ routine that I learned...maybe a little rusty but its ingrained in me.
My sisters and I (the oldest first and when she was too cool for me, my younger sister) we would learn the routines...even the old J5 routines....MJ "BAD" tour was my first concert I ever went to at the Capitol Center in MD. I was in 2nd grade and was the coolest kid in class because I was going to see MJ. That almost didnt occur because I went to the school RN had a temp of 102-103 and refused to go home because I didnt want to miss the concert. Fortunately my mom gave me some tylenol and cold packs (later found out I had my second round with Scarlet Fever) and I went to the concert. Its kinda funny to think as a pediatric RN now that my mom probably shouldnt have taken me to the concert and kept me home until I had a doctors appt. But then again it was Michael Jackson in his prime....I would still be salty I missed that.
Although that last years of his life have been marred with controversy, I can honestly say regardless you cannot denie the man was prolific in the entertainment industry. He was the first black man I ever saw on MTV as a kid and only watched it for his videos afterward. The amount of music in his cataloge is ridiculous I mean every age group could listen to him, my father has the J5's first album to this day and my grandmother has his greatest and thriller on her Ipod.
I mean people are gonna joke and say what they want to say but you cannot denie Michael Jackson was a bad muthafucka when it came to his music and dancing.
So although I haven't bought an Album of his since Invincible, I still consider myself a fan, and it hasnt truly hit me yet....
Just speechless....
- Mood:
sad - Music:"Off the Wall" -Michael Jackson
The last 10 weeks can be described as.....tumultous.
I have never been this busy in years...not just at work...Oh no....I actually put life back into my social life and to be honest.....its kind of fun.
Previous months Ive been a very happy and content homebody enjoying my netflix and my house but with the change in weather...ie it getting warmer...Ive been venturing out more often.
Newhoos....besides going out and meeting new and very interesting people Ive been exploring a side of my personality that has been hidden for years....never dormant just very well hidden...
You see....I wanted to be a dancer.
Now before you laugh...not a ballerina...I hate tutus...nope I wanted to be in the next Janet Jackson video when I was a kid...LOL (to this day I can still remember and perform some of her videos and do Thriller justice)
It was a game my younger sister and I would "play" watch the videos (this was prior to all the booty shaking that has takin over all rap videos and there is a distinct difference between rap and hip hop) and would perform these later.
Hell even up until about a year ago we would still act stupid when music came on with our erratic and random dancing that was always in rhythm.
So I signed up for a class...no big deal just a fun way to exercise and figured hell im 27 might as well do it now. Well couple of weeks ago I got asked to perform at a spring show...again no big deal there are 11 of us and this wouldnt be the first time on a stage...I use to be on the step team with my sorors...
We start learning the routine and it is intricate but do able...so just had to get my nerves together for the big show...right? until I got a call from my instructor that she was asked to perform for the studio at a launching party for a entertainment company...
Huh? What?
Figured ah why the hell not and agreed...yeah never realized what I signed up for until I arrived there...masses of people on the spirit of mt. vernon boat, live music and there is no stage just an area to perform and we had to do it twice (me, the instructor, another chick).
First performance was all nerves...my jacket came off, my scarf fell off and I left the stage on the wrong side...but I survived. Next performance and a few shots later...much better, still had some faults but a bigger improvement from the 1st.
So I was excited I survived and was ready for the third and final performace at the recital...that was until my father saw the video and said the immortal words "Looks like you need to practice a little more"
"ouch- et tu brute?"
So instead of sulking I turned his comment into fuel and I knew what I needed to work on....so I practice...
Sunday came around and honestly we gave our best performance yet...I was damn near jumping off the stage and hitting every move sharp and with precision.
Long story short...my dad told me "That was damn good"
So I got to let a hidden part of my personality flourish and Im looking forward to the fall show as well...Now I just gotta come up with an alter ego like Beyonce's Sasha Fierce....hmmmm "Niki fierce?" Naw that sounds wack....back to the drawing board.
- Music:"Im the ish" DJ Class
I wish I could update with news that Ive been traveling and experiencing all the joys of life but instead Ive been working non-stop to make ends meet.
I'm the first to admit it but this recession is depressing a sista, I mean seeing the Circuit city close up was sooooo depressing. Even after I got my tax return and thought maybe I could treat myself....LOL, yeah right another bill here, switch to this service here... blah...blah...blah.
I'm over it. I'm tired of being strapped for cash and truly the reason I havent been blogging or on myspace or facebook is I had to cut my internet off...that was depressing, I FINALLY got the internet and had to cut it off because my entire division is changing from Direct TV to Cox communications....ie: MORE MONEY FOR INS
If I could survive without TV I would really attempt it.
I'm just tired and in serious need of some discount R &R,
But there is a silver lining to all this recession doldrums, It has given multiple opprotunities to spend time with my significant other and we FINALLY clear up that grey matter of what exactly we are to each other....yes we are a couple and yes I'm in a relationship....Officially LOL
So yeah we spend alot of time playing XBox 360, specially DC vs MK game...I only play DC characters and have gotten really good at Batman. (I beat the shit out of his Joker every 3rd fight lol)
I had initially plan to put in a good update about whats been going on for the last 9 weeks that I have been AWOL but updating at 316am kills any muse that I could use at the moment...currently Im just trying to make it to 730am so I can go home and go to sleep.
Ahhh....I should try updating later again this week....we shall see
- Mood:
bored
Well the day has finally arrived. The day many people are excited and cheering about, the day some are in tears of joy, the day many thought they would never live to see (including me), a historic day, a day filled with hope and apprehension.
President-Elect Barack Obama is being sworn into office....
*whew* Now, Ive listen to alot of what people have had to say about this day and the months leading up to this day since he won on Nov 4th. Ive heard everything....and I mean everything. The mean words from those that opposed him, to the racist things Ive heard come out of peoples mouths who made me look twice at them as individuals.
I'm not going to preach and say the man is going to change the country in a year....that man has a long hard road in front of him and to be honest I'm apprehensive but mostly my apprehension comes from the fact that the first time in a long time I actually have HOPE for this country.
I've been disillusioned by the American goverment since I was in high school and even became more disillusioned afer 9/11 and the War in Iraq. I didnt believe in the government and honestly detested everything there was to do with the government. My thoughts and political views went from relatively conservative/liberal to pretty much radical leftist in that time frame.
But I have to give Mr. Obama credit because he also became a new hope in the black communitity. (Yes he is biracial but it wasnt too long ago that if you had a drop of black blood in you...you were black...Jim Crowe laws werent that long ago...my grandparents were a part of that and my parents felt it too...there are still places in the South I wont go to)
Because I had long since given up on anyone steppin up to the plate, but Mr. Obama didn't only reach out to my communitity but to every communitity. The African American vote didn't get him in the office...it was the American vote that got him in there.
Its interesting while I still hold some contempt for the United States Goverment, I actually am hopeful. I think thats why there is a vast array of emotions today. Because for the first time in a long time....there is actually HOPE.
The holiday season was a very busy and stressful one....actually I didnt celebrate xmas this year.
Didn't have the good old xmas spirit.
But that last 5 weeks have been very....very busy.
- I had a "high fidelity" moment (good movie btw) where I met up with my ex. Hindsight is 20/20 and Im finally happy to say that chapter of my life is over with. Im glad we didnt get married...it wouldve ended in a disaster and I got a bad enough track record with relationships that I dont need to add a divorce on there as well.
- During the high fidelity moment I realize a serious fault of mine...I dont open up to people...at all. Even some of my closest friends I disclose certain things but not EVERYTHING. So it was brought to my attention and apparently it made sense coming from a good male friend than a female friend. Im guessing that you think girlfriends have to have your back in those situations. But I made the brave move of letting someone in and it worked.
- My family stressed the hell out of me....Ive come to the conclusion I know why people move away from their families when they get older. at least put a hour road trip in between is a good clause.
- I've been looking for part-time work in my profession and decided that...I love kids and all but it would be an overkill and I would start to hate my job. Soooo Im taking a risk to explore my artistic side with my business partner. Nutting huge just going ahead and doing it.
- I can honestly say I'm content with how things are with the guy. I'm not in a rush to get married, kids scare the hell out of me...hell dont even think I can have kids but the peer pressure of seeing my friends settle down and have families just makes me want to take a vacation in europe while I still can....LOL
- I bought a car
Now I know that was a vague as hell ramble but cant go into great detail at the moment just because Im a supersititious bastard and that just how I roll...lol
But I do have a rant on the way, just dont have the time to post it at the moment.....I will begin with this.....
Whose bright fucking idea was it to close ALL the bridges from VA to DC on the day of the inaguaration?!?! and the stupiditiy of all this shit starts SATURDAY BEFORE the inaguaration....How the FUCK am I....a HEALTH CARE PROVIDER AND ONE YOU WILL CA
I knew DC was stupid...but got dayum?!? the only thing that makes sense is there was an actually threat made and they are taking precautions....but shit....really? I was actually going to go down there but shit since I live in Virginia and I cant get anywhere near the city except metro and/or buses -and lets be serious how reliable are they when a regular event, rush hour occurs- I guess I'll keep my hind parts at home.....
Expect more rants to come the closer we get to this day.
Has someone ever asked you a question and you can't even fathom the words to describe the situation?
Yeah, thats been my situation for a while now.
It all started with the surreal moment when I returned boxes of my ex's stuff to him. I had a minor "High Fidelity" Moment
(If you don't know what that means....watch the movie)
Sitting there talking to him, I realized that he really doesn't and didn't know me at all. Of course I had my very best bff Mike there with me who kept jabbing me and stepping on my foot when he would say something random. When we left and it was just Mike and I, Mike put it best when he said. "Damn, that bloke doesn't know you for shite!"
That when I had the several hours long conversation with Mike, where he told me point blank. "You don't open up to anyone" Which I have to admit is true. I mean I'm open to a point with friends but never really confided in anyone specific person. Mike made a good point that I jumped in his shit, when his marriage looked iffy and told him he needed to open up to his wife and let her in.
Basically it takes one to know one rule came into play. Anyone else could tell me this and I wouldve ignored them but hearing it from someone who I know does the exact same thing I do....it makes sense.
So after all the debating and self exploration on why I do this. I decided.....'What do I have to lose?"
So saturday I confided in Cochese, something Ive never spoken to any one about let alone myself out loud. To make it even more meaningful and purposeful I did it at the site, where a single decision I made over 13 years ago change my outlook on life.
I'm not going to get into it because it something I deal with on a daily basis and it still hurts after all those years....it never got easier and is going to take time.
But on the good side, after my veritaserum talk with cochese several days before. (He asked me to be honest and I was brutally honest). We are taking the steps...slow steps to work it out. Because honestly after what I said to him and the words we exchanged....it wouldve been DOA.
But for some odd reason he wants to work on it. BOTH of us are working on our faults, because I have some, I admitted it. in ordered to perserve our complicated situation.
So we shall see....for once in the last several weeks.....I'm content.
- Mood:
content
I am official given up on trying to figure out anything about the male species. No longer will I try to delve into the mindset of them and attempt to figure out why they do some of the ridiculous shit that they do...
I mean seriously I've come to the conclusion that they just dont think like the female species at ALL. What is common sense for women is abstract thinking for a man.
Yep, I give up
They say we are complicated.....bullshit, they are just as equally difficult and hard to intrpret ,and for once I didnt over analyze the situation and took it as it is and STILL Im left thinking WTF?@?@
Yeah....I'm tapping out.
When I thought I was on the edge of loosing it...it happened. Whether it was a lighting bolt, or epiphany or just the greater beings kicking my ass....
The most inconspicious person made everything clear.
Genius: "What are you doing Mrs. Cole?"
Me: "I'm struggling to figure out something and my head hurts."
Genius: "When my head hurts, I usually take a nap and then I get up and watch my favorite show."
Me "What's that?"
Genius: "Rachael Ray, it makes me feel happy, and want to cook again, "
Me: "Huh?"
Out of a simple conversation with a 7 yo patient that has a fascination with the Food Network, he had the most simpliest answer that a majority of the adult population forgets.
Do something because it makes you happy.
Thats what I've forgotten, all the trials and bullshit I've been dealing with at work and elsewhere in my personal life, I forgot what makes me happy, what gives me joy.
Its a simple concept right? but as adults we often forget about it because of all the bullshit surrounding us.
"Do what makes you Happy"
The brillant advice I recieved from a 7 year old patient....
Now you see why I'm a pediatric Nurse.
- Mood:
contemplative
Despite the horrible economy, the lack of overtime, the stop-loss on any and all purchases. (You thought Mother Hubbards cupboard was bare) and the depression I see every time I check my account balance...It getting to the point I get anxious to check the damn thing.
The one good thing I have to look forward to is....Halloween and the icing on the cake....Its on a Friday ie: Parties either Friday and/or Saturday.
I've always loved halloween and mostly because it allows me to express my creativity on my friends, I can create some pretty damn haunting face makeup if I have the right too. I actually like to carve pumpkins....I did a number this year with a gotham city skyline producing the bat signal. I'll have to link a photo soon.
But Its something to look forward too since everything else is pretty much craptacular.
I wont even get on my soap box about work, not today. I refuse to because I ranted to a co-worker of mine for almost two hours when I got off friday.
I know my soapbox rant will make it on here soon enough but to summarize it quickly...I'm dissapointed in people I consider friends, attitudes stink with no team work at all and I'm reach that point that when someone complians I easily tell them. "well shut the fuck up if your not going to do anything about it."
Its to the point Im going to air my grievences to certain managers. Which totally goes against my "Damn the Man" mantra but this shit is just bananas and its fucked up.
I'm at a stand-still with my writing, manly because the last chapter I sent off to be beta....I'm not happy with, I dont think I will ever really be happy with it from a creative stand point but its works in the later chapters fine and finally answers some damn questions and actually the chapters following I like, but damn I keep debating on whether or not to release it.
I think Im going to announce it here and where it is posted elsewhere, I'm need input, badly and the only people who I think would give quality input and understand it are the readers of EOM. So I'm announcing that anyone
*cough*Harrysmom*cough* would like to read the last chapter before I release as a creative consultant please contact me via email.
My goal was to have Edgedancer done this month but that chapter is becoming a thorn in my backside and I'm too invested in the story and characters to abandon it but I need help.
That being said, I'm going to finish working on EOM, thing is I'm up to chapter 10-12 I think, but I cant put it out there until I get that last chapter resolved. ...
Hi ho Hi ho it off to write I go.....
- Mood:
working
Well,
My vacation was a success! I actually went down for a week in florida with someone I'm involved with and we didnt kill each other !!
Thats a hell of a big deal if you know my track record.
A week and entire week in each others presence doing EVERY FRIGGIN THING TOGETHER and when we got back I'm thinking I wouldn't here from him in a few days hell more like a week. He hung out with me twice to my surprise that week and told me he wanted to spend a day with me???
HUH? Now this is a foreign language to me, hell even after a long weekend with family/friends we want to be alone but this was a first.
But we had fun, He got to run around Island of Adventures, Marvel Super Hero Island like a Kid....He was one of few adults that stood in line to have his picture taken with Capt America. He almost took up an entire role of flim in that section. But I did get a few prelim pictures of Harry Potter section they are building. They had it sectioned off but had Ministry Decree stating; Magic at Work Patients is Request. on HUGE signs that were similar to the ones in the last movie.
And you can actually see part of Hogwarts....trust I almost stood on his shoulders so I could get a glimpse over the fence...lol
But the vacation was excellent and much needed. It did help my attitude at work....I'm still sarcastic & evil at times but only 75% of the time now....LOL,
There are still problems on the home front that I'm hoping will work out. Currently I'm putting my resume out for agency work. There is no OT offered and I could use some after becoming the Bank to my family.
But other than that things are decent....I can actually say I'm complacent...yep....I know, A Pig flew overhead somewhere.....
- Mood:
complacent
I have been wanting....needing to come on here an update for a while now....but life sometimes has a tendency to kick you in the throat when you least expect it.
The last 7 weeks since Ive last updated, I've pretty much become a recluse...I choose not to be bother and I choose to be left alone, except for the few people I confide in...I havent been in the mood for talking and/or explaining much.
The source of all this isn't a single entity but several and instead Im going to bullet it out.
- Work has been kicking my ass...more so than usual, I've been causing "problems" because I see it at I'm not there to kiss ass and kow-tow to the higher authority but to advocate for my patients, especially since my patients are too young to express their opinions and/or their parents aren't able to. So that being said I've tried to do the "help you, help me" stand point. But overall its very, very frustrating and I truly understand why people hate the healthcare system in the states....I work in it...I know it all too well.
- My family has been stressing me out, with almost calling off my birthday celebrations because my grandmother was sick to my brother and his uncanny ability to make things more complicated and difficult and the end all, financial situations where my name is no longer Nicole but the 1st national bank of loans that is starting to hinder and cut into my expenses and stress me out when everyone is hurting for $$$ and people assume I'm fucking Scrooge McDuck with my own personal money bank. Its gotten to the point I didnt answer my phone for 2 weeks or attempted to call my family because I didnt want to be bothered.
- Since I am stressed more than usual and probably a little depressed recently, Ive been have frequent and terrifying nightmares. Never had them before this bad as Ive had in the last 7 weeks. Yesterday mornings was so bad I woke up saying the rosary in my sleep.
- I've lost my appetite, just dont have it which has caused me to drop those last 5 pounds Ive been working on for over a year and people have notice I look slimmer. Only good thing about that is even though Ive lost those 5 in probably not the best way. It means I wont have to buy new jeans and/or new fall winter clothes this year....everything is too big and I prefer too big than too small.
- Although the last several weeks have had there moments, there were some "keep hope alive moments" that kept me from turning to the one thing I DONT want to be tempted by ever again and thats my drinking.
I did get in an discussion with a male I've been seeing for over a year and a half now, where he said "I don't get you sometimes, for someone so strong and always there for everyone else, you can almost be needy at times."
My response... "When will it be my turn to lean on someone, even the strong need support."
Which is the question I have every day, "When can someone be strong for me?"
Fortunately he has stepped up to the plate.
I'm going to make a promise to myself to try to rant/rave/relieve my mind on here once a week. I figure since I havent been doing it as often and it has been somewhat therapeutic to get all that pent up emotion out on paper into the stories Ive been writing but I still need to at least once a week come on here and get it out....
I'm escaping for a much needed and earned week long sabbatical out of town. Maybe a change in scenery will evorgate me, because even right now.....I'm driving on fumes.....
- Mood: stressed
I turned 27, on July 10th and at the exact time I was born I was in the shower metaphorically starting the new year afresh. My 27th bday was initially suppose to be a quiet one. I had planned on going to my favorite restaurant downtown with my homeboy and two or three people from work that wanted to go out on my actual birthday. What I thought at the most was going to be four-five people turned into 15 surprised guest and family for my birthday dinner at la tasca a good friend of mine at work coordinated.
Apparently if you email has a business origin people pay attention to it...LOL
But my dinner was very nice, Kinda wish some of my other non work friends were there, but after my record with attempts at birthday parties....(One when I was twelve scarred me for life, thus not wanting to have any bday parties, only close family affairs).
A bday dinner was the last thing on my mind.
Course after my birthday I was off and return to work on the weekend and found out the worst.....
People were pissed at me...
WTF?!?!?
People were actually not speaking to me because they werent invited.....Now, Im cool with people at work but um.....I kinda follow the rule...If you dont have my cell number or know anything significant that I care to divuluge to you about my life then you are a business associate.
Plus folks run their MOUTHS at work....I didnt need anyone running their mouth at work talking about how many sangrias I had and being drunk...
(I wasnt drunk....I was NICE....LOL)
Anywhoo long story short....folks were pissed...I again realized I work with a bunch of females....I hate females and another reason for me to keep to my five year plan.
I did recieve really cute tops from my fam and my gift cards to my favorite stores....Best Buy and Barnes and Noble *GRIN*
Probably the one gift that I havent put down yet is The first two seasons of Justice League on DVD...I have the COMPLETE collection now along with the COMPLETE collection of Batman: The Animated Series, Justice League: New Frontier DVD and The Dark Knight Animated movie DVD.
Have you notice a trend? ALLL BATMAN!!!!!
I LOVE BATMAN!!! anything Batman I try to get I never realized how big of a fan I was until I found someone is just as much into cartoons as I am including Batman...Never have I met someone who appreciated my rambles about the Batman Mythos....and I know alot.
Ive said before that my ex accepted my nerd behavior but didnt understand nor wanted to experience it....(ie: Never seen Jurassic Park) But current dude Ive come to find out is just as nerdy as I am *GRIN*
So again long story short....Im Happy
Welll, I need to get crackin Ive been working on three chapters simultaneously of EOM...yes Im still working on it...and this weekend I plan to be sitting in front of my computer with my scattered long-hand chapters and edits surrounding me with a goal of all three chapters to be one stage away from finalized....one last reading for grammer, continuity and plot holes by Sunday.
Im setting a hell of a goal considering each chapter is sitting at 15-20 pages easily and alot...ALOT happens in these chapters...a few trips to starbucks and some HP incintive and we can make it happen....
Peace out and be safe peoples.
- Mood: complacent
Have you ever been so tired that you could almost cry?!?!?
Yep Im there....right now, not liking night shift too much at the moment.
- Mood:
exhausted
I can be foolish at times....
Come to find out I have to take an exit exam....a comprehensive exam in order for me to get my BSN.....well I took the test and got an email at work yesterday stating this...
Unfortuntatley you didnt pass and will have to retake it before Friday (TOday) at 9:00am, and need to pass it to recieve your diploma, you can still walk at graduation and be counted amoung the May graduates....
Did I mention the damn test wasnt available until May 6th for me to take and of course I worked that day and took the exam on my day off and just finished the exam 14mins ago on my other day off!!!!
Can I tell you how frustrated and overly done I am with this school? Its been an ongoing stupid process but has stress me to the point these last 5 months with working full time and damn near in school full time with clinical requirement and extra credit stuff that was mandatory plus need I mention I had to come out of pocket with my tuition and those bastard finally cashed my check the same time I was getting my tax refund????
And now you tell me I cant graduate and/or get my diploma because of some stupid comprehensive exam that the school didnt even DEVELOPED that I have to take???
If that isnt fucking salt in the wound I dont know what is....
Im utterly disgusted, Ive been up since 600am this morning working on that stupid online exam not to mention yesterday I didnt even leave work until 9pm because a code was called right at change of shift and the whole unit was involved in (me included) and couldnt leave until the patient was stable.
SHit I mean do I really need to pass this damn exam? I AREADY AM A PRACTICING REGISTERED NURSE!!!!!!
WHAT THE FUCK IS A COMPREHENSIVE EXAM FOR NCLEX PREP GONNA DO FOR ME...IVE ALREADY PASSED THE NCLEX OBVIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Damn school took my money, Im broke like no joke now because I could work OT due to my strict school schedule plus I paid a overpriced tuition and now I can get my pay increase and bonus because of a damn online test......
*Shakes head*
*Sigh* but there is hope on the horizon, I have the next five days off, Im going to a concert, Ive recently stepped off a scale and Im one pound away from my "damn I wish I could see that number again" weight (Being broke and stress is the ultimate diet by the way) and I FINALLY get to write EOM in peace and quiet
-No disruptions....
Well keep your fingers cross that my mantra worked on my online exam (if I pass I will reveal it) and keep hope alive.....
- Location:Home
- Music:Polticks-Aker
I'm graduating.
I've been on a Odyssey of learning since I entered Kindergarten and I've finally reach the end where, I'm not is school.
Its werid and surreal when you think about it that I've been either in school working on a degree or taking classes to get a degree of higher learning since I started school back in the Fall of 1986....Kindergarten....damn only took me...22 years and as a result I have a high school degree, a bachelors of science degree in biology, an associates in nursing and finally a bachelors of science degree in Nursing.
Im honestly not going to know what to do to myself without school, its become a part of who I am.
I honestly think it hit me hard because Im not doing anything big for my degree, im not walking or having a graduation party. Mostly because my younger sister is graduating too and this will be her bachelor degree in political science-international law (If Im not mistaken but I could be...lol) and I didnt want to rain on her day. But my conscious kicked me in my forehead and promptly reminded me that all my hard work, stress, blood, sweat and tears for school should not go unacknowledged.
Yeah kinda werid feeling when it happened and not really sure how I should react to it.....
hmmmmm.....just one of those life moments I guess.
- Mood:
weird
Yes,
I finally sent off my latest chapter of EOM and I admitted im a bit apprehensive. Mostly because I introduce a fanfic cliche' that is seen in fanfics and usually get rolling eyes....I re-wrote this chapter several times and have never comptemplated a chapter like this one before. THis chapter has held up my story long enough and its finally at the point where Im comfortable to let people read it besides me.
With that being said I can finally retouch the chapters after chapter 6....there are several that I havent touched since the chap 6 issues and Im hoping I can get updates out more after since Ive climbed over this mountain....
Its a good feeling but I hope the new chapter is accepted.
*Exhale* alright, on to the next adventure and back to DC for Ginny and Harry, questions are answered and more questions are arised and finally light is shed on why ginny is so damn bitter.....
Be Peaceful
- Location:home
- Mood: accomplished
Fuckers....
Ive had a couple of rough days at work and last tuesday was particularly rough because I had a patient that was getting a procedure done that as a nurse I didnt agree that it was in the best interest of the patient...
(Remember a nurse ALWAYS hads your best interest in mind)
So im arguing with the doctors and voicing my opinions which arent being heard at all...I dont know anything I just take care of the child for 12 hours and have been for several months shes been here which is BEYOND frustrating, I also had a student and orienting a new nurse. Had a parent that was about to flip because the residents werent sure if they were going home or not and need home care nursing set up and an admission that just arrived with very upset parents that their newborn child was sick.
Altogether a very stressfull, emotional day but I kept my composure and went along with it...same bullshit different day but I was asked to get a height on a patient by the end of the day....
My day ends at 8pm. They come to me at 3 to see if I got the height....and to be honest...I forgot, a height was the last thing on my mind with all the shit going on for the day....I was approached by another nurse to just do it....SO I cut my lunch short and did the damn height....when I finally sit down I get lectured by my manager that the height should have been done and did I have anyone working with me?
I tell her I had a student and my orientee. I got off the phone and she called by 2 minutes later and said. "For future reference you can delegate that task out"
WTF?!?!?!?
That was the straw that broke the camels back and I cried at work....I NEVER cry at work, I try not to let shit get to me but damn it seems all the time I bust my ass around here and never recieve a "good job, nice work" something and when I finally here from my manager its to reprimand me on a height needed for data collection????!?!?
Man......FUCK IT
And this isnt the first time either....you can get people with honey than you can with vinegar but I hadnt cried like that in a long time...not to mention in front of the orientee I lost it....
Just further confirmation that I need to stick to my five year plan....I know it will be the same bullshit anywhere I go but its the people that make the bullshit bearable....
I need a drink
- Location:home
- Mood:
infuriated - Music:Always on the Run-Lenny Kravitz
But Im late on Deathly Hallows being split into 2 movies!!!
AH-HA!!! I called it!!!!
After a interesting/emotional weekend where the last thing I wanted to do is to crack a smile the thought of my one of my favorite books (OOTP is #1) is going to be flim in two parts because they cant leave ANYTHING out made me smile today....well actually I grinned!
LOL, I could get into what went down this weekend but Im in a decent mood and the thought of it initiates a thought process that is too emotionally draining to even begin...especially at work.
Good news is....I finished the latest chapeter of EOM and Im putting the finishing touches on the next chapter before I send them to my beta. Im trying to finish and send out two chapters at a time to speed up the process...the only good thing about my emotional state this weekend is it tapped into my reservior and I wrote some interesting chapters...
Aight Im gonna get back to work
- Mood:
geeky
But this year I was on days and I'll be damn if my body wanted to jump up and slap me when my alarm went off this morning at 5am.
I feel like I got a IV bolus of molassess as slow as Im moving today and to put the icing on the cake EVERYBODY is slow today, everybody was late somehow today and probably will be for the next couple of days.
But so far its been one of those kick you in the teeth days and I remember why I didnt go into adult care....
Im strictly pediatric....I dont do adults for a reason....and as a pediatric hospital I dont think we should admit adults over a certain age (50) if they still what is considered a pediatric disease....granted they are living longer than years ago when they didnt make it past 20 but we do not have the appropriate means to take care of this person...I say send them next door (hospital next door that takes adults)
But that just my 2 cents plus that stuff about "Its a big kid" is bullshit.....
Okay, I feel a little better now.....
I wont even allow myself to hope my day gets better just for the simple fact that I dont want to jinx it.
Oh just a tip I want to pass along to any of you all who have children especially young ones...For the love of god if your nurse is trying to get a blood draw from their foot and they have a strong as shit kick?!?!......Help the nurse out and hold the leg PLEASE!!!!!
Ducking a bloody foot isn't amusing.....
- Mood:
cranky
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enygma1920- One-hundred percent intelligent black child....
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