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After a long unanticipated forced break, I am now back writing again. I have picked back up my fanfic Edgedancer of Madness to hopefully complete it sooner rather than later, I mean I started it in 2005, I mean damn...lol, But I discovered I wrote myself into a huge plot hole and I finally figured out how to fix it, unfortunately that means I have to go back and update previous chapters to make sure they correlate to the "improved story" I will be posting on here and fanfiction.net, I haven't decided to see if I will post on simplyundeniable or any other website again since I will have to start over with a new beta. Well I sent off a new revise of chapter 2 (the one that had to be almost re-written) back to my beta and hopefully I will be updating soon.

Be Eazy

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Geez frickin louise


Well apparently I decided to let the person who wants to psychoanalyze our friendship know that. "I dont want to psychoanalyze u, me or anyone else...I take people for who they are and I don't question it..that how I treat everyone." 

This is in response to her being so tired of conversations like this via txt and phone and didnt like how I handled the situation by texting when initially she is the one who texted me in the FIRST DAMN place!

How the hell are you going to complain when you initated it in the first place? WTF!?!

*shakes head* I'm not going to pet her up on this one...she's done this shit before and bc I dont like awkwardness at work I kowtow to get along....not this time...I'm gonna let her think about it

Hmmmm....

 

 


Don't you just hate it when....

Don't you just hate it when your work environment is 99% estrogen and you have to act out of character so people will leave you the hell alone?

Don't you just hate it when your really trying to be a friend and those that know me know I accept people for who they are faults and all..I have friends that I like other qualities over other shit that annoys me...But Im so tired of psychoanalyzing myself to this chick because I put up personal/emotional barriers? um geez wouldn't you if you kept trying to figure out my personality? damnit Ive only gotten cool with you this year? my friends of 20 plus year just finally got me so what makes you think you will? and then to question stuff and Im so tired of psychoanalyzing but yet its ok to come at me but GODFORBID I question you but then again...I don't because I know people have there quirks and it took me today to figure out this chick has her quirks and she needs to start looking at the woman in the mirror and stop picking what I do.....

A part of me want to yell at her.."Bitch you don't know me well enough!" (Thanks Tovah!) 

Ahh well I got enough shit going on in my personal life with the man I sleep with to be worried about what she thinks of me...I think I will quote Jay Z when I say..."Either love me or leave me alone!"

Ahhh....yes....the mad ranter is back! LOL

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Bringing in the New Decade.

Its just occured to me that the new year is a new decade....damn a decade gone already? shit...

This is the first decade where I can actually look back and reflect since I entered the decade as a young adult. Damn, when I brought in the 2000s, I was finishing my 1st semester in college, didn't have a car, running track, in a relationship with cochese and looking foward with hope, sincerity and a unquestionable innocence of being 18 and naiive...

HA has shit changed since then!

Over the past 10 years my goals have changed and my accomplishments are varied. I remember thinking that I would be married finishing my residency to be an OB/GYN and living in a townhouse somewhere in virginia.

Career wise; it hasn't varied much, I got my degree in Biology but med-school dream died. I refocused and went back to school and became a pediatric nurse. Still stayed in the medical field but not half bad.

I think the biggest change has been personal changes. I started out with my highschool sweetheart and ended up breaking up, after dating a few I got serious with one and even engaged but after that relationship and how it went down I can honestly say that even though it put me through the ringer that relationship started a metamorphsis that hindsight I'm glad I endured.

It took ten years for me to finally get comfortable and not hide who I am. I became more sarcastic, I recognized that yes I am a nerd and I like comics, video games and I am a HUGE fan of DC COMICS (Batman-yes I go comic book conventions!) and I write fanfiction? say something..LOL

I  dont have to apologize for my eccentrics that close family and friends know and love to hate but its how I am so deal with it. I became unapologitic in my views and my opinions. I always respected other views but I wasn't going to bite my tongue anymore and lastly I realize that I like who I am and If you don't then tough shit...lol

Now looking back I can appreciated how much ive grown, interesting enough I brought 2000 in with cochese and Im bringing in the 2010 with cochese...hmmm, I wont speculate lol.

But after the reflecting and seeing where I am today, I only say one thing about the last 10 years...."Not bad...Not bad at all" 

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Man in the Mirror


Yesterday at work a co-worker very rudely told me that "Michael Jackson had died" I didn't believe it and asked her who told you that? her father confirmed it...unless your dad is a correspondent with CNN or was a doctor in the room or an actual Jackson themselves...I ain't believing it...and although it is true...sadly I still don't believe it.

I have always been a fan of MJs...since I can remember, probably one of the first videos I saw was "Thriller" and we had the VHS making of and the entire Thriller video....to this day I still cannot watch to the very end because the zombies face at the end scared the shit out of me and probably why I dont like Zombie movies now....unless they are dancing...LOL

MJ and his sister Janet were my first dance teachers....I was that kid at the family reunions who would get the request...."Do the Michael Jackson" Even now that I finally realize my dream of becoming a dancer I can still perform every MJ and JJ routine that I learned...maybe a little rusty but its ingrained in me.

My sisters and I (the oldest first and when she was too cool for me, my younger sister) we would learn the routines...even the old J5 routines....MJ "BAD" tour was my first concert I ever went to at the Capitol Center in MD. I was in 2nd grade and was the coolest kid in class because I was going to see MJ. That almost didnt occur because I went to the school RN had a temp of 102-103 and refused to go home because I didnt want to miss the concert. Fortunately my mom gave me some tylenol and cold packs (later found out I had my second round with Scarlet Fever) and I went to the concert. Its kinda funny to think as a pediatric RN now that my mom probably shouldnt have taken me to the concert and kept me home until I had a doctors appt. But then again it was Michael Jackson in his prime....I would still be salty I missed that.

Although that last years of his life have been marred with controversy, I can honestly say regardless you cannot denie the man was prolific in the entertainment industry. He was the first black man I ever saw on MTV as a kid and only watched it for his videos afterward. The amount of music in his cataloge is ridiculous I mean every age group could listen to him, my father has the J5's first album to this day and my grandmother has his greatest and thriller on her Ipod.

I mean people are gonna joke and say what they want to say but you cannot denie Michael Jackson was a bad muthafucka when it came to his music and dancing.

So although I haven't bought an Album of his since Invincible, I still consider myself a fan, and it hasnt truly hit me yet....

Just speechless....


The last 10 weeks can be described as.....tumultous.

I have never been this busy in years...not just at work...Oh no....I actually put life back into my social life and to be honest.....its kind of fun.

Previous months Ive been a very happy and content homebody enjoying my netflix and my house but with the change in weather...ie it getting warmer...Ive been venturing out more often.

Newhoos....besides going out and meeting new and very interesting people Ive been exploring a side of my personality that has been hidden for years....never dormant just very well hidden...

You see....I wanted to be a dancer.

Now before you laugh...not a ballerina...I hate tutus...nope I wanted to be in the next Janet Jackson video when I was a kid...LOL (to this day I can still remember and perform some of her videos and do Thriller justice)

It was a game my younger sister and I would "play" watch the videos (this was prior to all the booty shaking that has takin over all rap videos and there is a distinct difference between rap and hip hop) and would perform these later.

Hell even up until about a year ago we would still act stupid when music came on with our erratic and random dancing that was always in rhythm.

So I signed up for a class...no big deal just a fun way to exercise and figured hell im 27 might as well do it now. Well couple of weeks ago I got asked to perform at a spring show...again no big deal there are 11 of us and this wouldnt be the first time on a stage...I use to be on the step team with my sorors...

We start learning the routine and it is intricate but do able...so just had to get my nerves together for the big show...right? until I got a call from my instructor that she was asked to perform for the studio at a launching party for a entertainment company...

Huh? What?

Figured ah why the hell not and agreed...yeah never realized what I signed up for until I arrived there...masses of people on the spirit of mt. vernon boat, live music and there is no stage just an area to perform and we had to do it twice (me, the instructor, another chick).

First performance was all nerves...my jacket came off, my scarf fell off and I left the stage on the wrong side...but I survived. Next performance and a few shots later...much better, still had some faults but a bigger improvement from the 1st.

So I was excited I survived and was ready for the third and final performace at the recital...that was until my father saw the video and said the immortal words "Looks like you need to practice a little more"

"ouch- et tu brute?"

So instead of sulking I turned his comment into fuel and I knew what I needed to work on....so I practice...

Sunday came around and honestly we gave our best performance yet...I was damn near jumping off the stage and hitting every move sharp and with precision.

Long story short...my dad told me "That was damn good" 

So I got to let a hidden part of my personality flourish and Im looking forward to the fall show as well...Now I just gotta come up with an alter ego like Beyonce's Sasha Fierce....hmmmm "Niki fierce?" Naw that sounds wack....back to the drawing board.

Tired of being strapped for Cash


I wish I could update with news that Ive been traveling and experiencing all the joys of life but instead Ive been working non-stop to make ends meet.

I'm the first to admit it but this recession is depressing a sista, I mean seeing the Circuit city close up was sooooo depressing. Even after I got my tax return and thought maybe I could treat myself....LOL, yeah right another bill here, switch to this service here... blah...blah...blah.

I'm over it. I'm tired of being strapped for cash and truly the reason I havent been blogging or on myspace or facebook is I had to cut my internet off...that was depressing, I FINALLY got the internet and had to cut it off because my entire division is changing from Direct TV to Cox communications....ie: MORE MONEY FOR INSTALLATIONS!!!!!

If I could survive without TV I would really attempt it.

I'm just tired and in serious need of some discount R &R,

But there is a silver lining to all this recession doldrums, It has given multiple opprotunities to spend time with my significant other and we FINALLY clear up that grey matter of what exactly we are to each other....yes we are a couple and yes I'm in a relationship....Officially LOL

So yeah we spend alot of time playing XBox 360, specially DC vs MK game...I only play DC characters and have gotten really good at Batman. (I beat the shit out of his Joker every 3rd fight lol)

I had initially plan to put in a good update about whats been going on for the last 9 weeks that I have been AWOL but updating at 316am kills any muse that I could use at the moment...currently Im just trying to make it to 730am so I can go home and go to sleep.

 

Ahhh....I should try updating later again this week....we shall see
 

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Hope


Well the day has finally arrived. The day many people are excited and cheering about, the day some are in tears of joy, the day many thought they would never live to see (including me), a historic day, a day filled with hope and apprehension.

President-Elect Barack Obama is being sworn into office....


*whew* Now, Ive listen to alot of what people have had to say about this day and the months leading up to this day since he won on Nov 4th. Ive heard everything....and I mean everything. The mean words from those that opposed him, to the racist things Ive heard come out of peoples mouths who made me look twice at them as individuals.

I'm not going to preach and say the man is going to change the country in a year....that man has a long hard road in front of him and to be honest I'm apprehensive but mostly my apprehension comes from the fact that the first time in a long time I actually have HOPE for this country.

I've been disillusioned by the American goverment since I was in high school and even became more disillusioned afer 9/11 and the War in Iraq. I didnt believe in the government and honestly detested everything there was to do with the government. My thoughts and political views went from relatively conservative/liberal to pretty much radical leftist in that time frame.

But I have to give Mr. Obama credit because he also became a new hope in the black communitity. (Yes he is biracial but it wasnt too long ago that if you had a drop of black blood in you...you were black...Jim Crowe laws werent that long ago...my grandparents were a part of that and my parents felt it too...there are still places in the South I wont go to)

Because I had long since given up on anyone steppin up to the plate, but Mr. Obama didn't only reach out to my communitity but to every communitity. The African American vote didn't get him in the office...it was the American vote that got him in there.

Its interesting while I still hold some contempt for the United States Goverment, I actually am hopeful. I think thats why there is a vast array of emotions today. Because for the first time in a long time....there is actually HOPE.


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Writer's Block: Regime Change

Today marks the inauguration of Barack Obama as the 44th President of the United States. Obama's campaign was built around a message of change. What changes would you most like to see in the next 4 years?
Well anything at this point is a change and I'm actually hopeful. Don't think the man can perform miracles but I what I would like to see is an improved health care system, afforadable college educations but the one thing he has done is given a country HOPE, which I think scares the hell out of everyone because its been soooo long since we as a country have had any hope at all.

Bout time for an update.


The holiday season was a very busy and stressful one....actually I didnt celebrate xmas this year.

Didn't have the good old xmas spirit.

But that last 5 weeks have been very....very busy.
  • I had a "high fidelity" moment (good movie btw) where I met up with my ex. Hindsight is 20/20 and Im finally happy to say that chapter of my life is over with. Im glad we didnt get married...it wouldve ended in a disaster and I got a bad enough track record with relationships that I dont need to add a divorce on there as well.
  • During the high fidelity moment I realize a serious fault of mine...I dont open up to people...at all. Even some of my closest friends I disclose certain things but not EVERYTHING. So it was brought to my attention and apparently it made sense coming from a good male friend than a female friend. Im guessing that you think girlfriends have to have your back in those situations. But I made the brave move of letting someone in and it worked.
  • My family stressed the hell out of me....Ive come to the conclusion I know why people move away from their families when they get older. at least put a hour road trip in between is a good clause.
  • I've been looking for part-time work in my profession and decided that...I love kids and all but it would be an overkill and I would start to hate my job. Soooo Im taking a risk to explore my artistic side with my business partner. Nutting huge just going ahead and doing it. 
  • I can honestly say I'm content with how things are with the guy. I'm not in a rush to get married, kids scare the hell out of me...hell dont even think I can have kids but the peer pressure of seeing my friends settle down and have families just makes me want to take a vacation in europe while I still can....LOL
  • I bought a car
The past year 2008, wasnt the best and it wasnt the worst year Ive experience it was just a basic year. But I do have a new outlook on the upcoming year of 2009....I'm optimistic for once and hope my optimism and drive will bring success to me this year. 

Now I know that was a vague as hell ramble but cant go into great detail at the moment just because Im a supersititious bastard and that just how I roll...lol

But I do have a rant on the way, just dont have the time to post it at the moment.....I will begin with this.....

Whose bright fucking idea was it to close ALL the bridges from VA to DC on the day of the inaguaration?!?! and the stupiditiy of all this shit starts SATURDAY BEFORE the inaguaration....How the FUCK am I....a HEALTH CARE PROVIDER AND ONE YOU WILL CALL IF A MASS CASUALITY OCCURS can get into the FUCKING CITY!?!?!?


I knew DC was stupid...but got dayum?!? the only thing that makes sense is there was an actually threat made and they are taking precautions....but shit....really? I was actually going to go down there but shit since I live in Virginia and I cant get anywhere near the city except metro and/or buses -and lets be serious how reliable are they when a regular event, rush hour occurs- I guess I'll keep my hind parts at home.....

Expect more rants to come the closer we get to this day.  

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Killing Joke
enygma1920
One-hundred percent intelligent black child....

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